I guess at some point in life you can compare your existance to a book. There is a beginning and an end, with chapters along the way. I think I've come to that point in my life where it's time to end one chapter and begin another.
I've never been a goal oriented person....I'm not sure why, life just hasn't worked out like that. Don't get me wrong I'm not blaming anyone or anything for where I find myself, which I believe is a huge step in actually finding myself and realizing what I want out of life. After all, that's what goals are about, right? I've heard people talk about 1 year plans and 5 and 10 year plans....there are days I'd just like to know that I will get through the next day.
The confrontation and drama that has surrounded my life is self-inflicted, not because I've created it or caused it to be but because I allowed it to encompass my very being. I've always worried about what others thought of me and what people said about me has always rocked me to the core of what I thought was my soul. I've always seen the glass as empty with no hope of a refill, if you will. I never look at moments, situations, or problems as opportunities.
These next few days, weeks, months, even years will be interesting as I try to learn who I am, where I came from and what will inspire and motivate me to change. True change can't be for any other reason than for oneself by oneself.
I came into this world as a miracle and I intend to live, this moment forward with the appreciation and determination that I can make something of what may not have ever should have been. I'm not a waste. When I was little I remember a little cartoon girl with a saying "God don't make no junk!" God has a plan for me and I think it's about time that I stopped trying to do things my way and let Him lead me to things beyond my wildest dreams.
